She can’t let go and she can’t relax
Holding her head in her hands she breathes inhaling the peace from God to the max
Seeing her share of devils in this angel town
She smears on lipsticks and walks out the door with a frown
Blocking off the cortex of the brain that is screaming sin
She puts on the happy sexy girl persona and walks in
Call her the best actress Hollywood seen
For she prevails affectionate love but in the truth of the drunken hour she turns mean
She lost who she was several encounters ago for she put her trust in the devil six feet below
Seeking the weightless green envy that the world cheats lies and kills over
Here she is an alcoholic medicating her guilt away claiming she’s sober
So far in that she can’t even see the door that locked upon her entrance
Every word they breathe every touch they lay she’s screaming forgiveness to God in the silence of a sentence
Grasping the bottle for her temporary escape
Every meeting was so horrid consider it consensual rape
Holding it all together in the hours of light you would never guess the demon lurked inside
As soon as the silence of the night emerged and the debt of her past surfaced began the stirring of beastly cries
Seeking to ravage her purity of soul that she worked so hard to protect
They consumed the whiteness in an instant leaving thick blackness like a swarm of insects
Love became the best performance of the year masked behind different faces show after show
Self-hate spread rapid like weeds in fertile soil leaving her lost empty increasing the ability to not care and let go
Kindness was like a nightmare to her believing she was so low she shouldn’t deserve any care
When people who tried to get close and uncover who she was she hurt them on purpose pushing them so far. Them coming back or giving her a second chance was very rare.
Her only comfort was what she known
And all that ever was…was rejection judgment abandonment…just her and herself sitting there alone.
<3 Alison Claire
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